I want to share my writing with the world, to be able to do what I love and be able to sustain myself off it. I want to write, and I want my words to be heard | interpreted | pondered| discussed | disseminated | spread | seen.
But I fear what those words will reveal about myself.
To me, writing is a deeply personal | reflective experience. I can't just separate myself from the words on the page, because in a sense I am a part of my words. My words reflect who I am, what I think, how I feel, and I refuse to compromise my words | myself for the tastes | appetites | predilections | sensibilities of a theoretical audience who may take offence to them.
Yet at the same time, I am overwhelmed | paralyzed by my anxiety of being perceived by that same audience.
Which isn't to say that I haven't already done so.
I've been posting my works online for well over a decade now; Many of which are shockingly popular given their very niche nature. It's clear that I'm not afraid to share these stories with people, so what is the root of this anxiety & fear that stays my hand?
I am a deeply private person.
I do not like to share my thoughts unless they are worth sharing. I do not like opening up to people unless I feel I can trust them with my thoughts | ideas | opinions | emotions. There are very, very few people in this world whom I consider worthy of that level of trust.
Yet to be an author | a known quantity | a public figure requires baring my soul to the uncounted, unseen eyes of the Public; to reveal these deeply personal, private, intimate expressions with those whom I do not know, whom I have not vetted, whom I cannot inherently trust to receive & interpret the messages I wish to share with them.
And I, like many others, have used the most valuable | dangerous tool that the Internet has given us. Anonymity. I, like many others, have hidden myself behind a username, a pseudonym, an persona crafted for the explicit purpose of shielding my identity from the perceptive eyes of the reader.
And it is in the removal of this anonymity where my anxiety | uncertainty | fears are rooted. I am not afraid of sharing my words | my stories | my characters with the world.
I am afraid of sharing myself.
And yet if I truly wish to fulfill my desire to be able to sustain myself as a writer | an author | a storyteller in the digital age; to share my thoughts | ideas | opinions | characters | scenes | themes | stories with the world, I must confront my fears | my anxieties. I must pull back the veil of anonymity, to be able to look you in the eye and say 'This is who I am' through my words if I truly wish you to listen to what I have to say.
Which I why I'm writing this. Which is why I'm going to write something every day - be it long or short - henceforth until I am no longer afraid to tell you my stories | show you who I am.